Friday, March 14, 2008
Having another baby...
When I had my first Jordon, my life completely revolve around him. He was my buddy my friend. I'd spend 90% of of day with him. When I had Austin things changed so quickly between Jordon and I. All my time was spent on taking care of Austin who need me Almost 100% of the time. Jordon soon stopped wanting me to cuddle with him, he soon he would not hold my hand in public. After I had Austin I tried to carry around Jordon like I did before I was pregnant and suddenly he was to big. In nine months time he grow and changed so much. One day I noticed he would just go to bed, no kiss, no huge no I love you. Did I fail him as a mom did he not think I loved him anymore? He used to love to struggle and spend lots of time with me today not so much. Is it because he knows just how busy I am so he does not even try? Or am I not seeing all the signs that yes he does want me around him? I want my baby back the baby who would never let me out of his sight. I then had Katie and Austin and my relationship changed also. This is what I had been afraid off. Almost 100% of my time was spent taking care of Katie. Same thing all of a sudden Austin was to big to carry, to big to hold like a little baby. No more long nights of sitting in my chair together. No more kisses and hugs just because, no more I love you mom good night. Where did my buddy go my sweet little boy who always wanted to be around me and would cry when I left. I feel sad Knowing I'll never get those days with my boys again. I feel sad knowing that there mommy was not there 100% percent for them for so long. My sweet boys are no longer babies they no longer want to hold my hand or snuggle but they do love when I play soccer with them or play catch with them. I must realize that they have changed right along with everything else. I know I can not change the past but I can make the future better. Katie is almost 8 months old know and I'm starting to get some freedom back some more extra time for my boys. Change is always such a hard thing to except weather its good or bad. I hope my boys forgive me for the lost time and I hope we can share lots more fun times to come.
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6 comments:
I can only imagine Jen how ard that must be, mainly since I do not have any kids haha! But I too miss when they would be soooo excited to see me and give me a hug and say I love you!! They don't do that to me anymore and I miss that too! I hate seeing them grow up and yet it's exciting because now there is something new to share with them! New memories and new things to cherish. We can still remember those times we used to have with them and feel glad and know we were lucky to have those special times with them.
By the way, I love your new background!!
Each new child added to any family creates new challenges along with all the joy that child brings. Jordon and Austin might not cuddle anymore, and perhaps that stage in life is over (at least while they go through their tweens and teens) or maybe it's gone for good. Try to embrace the love they want to give in their own way. If Jordon wants to kick the soccer ball and Austin won't hold your hand in public. Embrace it. Take it as your kids think your great at ball, and they are so secure, that they know they don't have to be physically attached to you (holding hands) to feel safe. Each new stage in their lives will bring changes and you won't need to have anymore children for this to happen!
Go pick up Katie and cuddle as long as you can stand it, take Jordon out to kick the soccer ball, and take Austin on a looong handholdingless walk and embrace what has been given to you :)
Thanks!!!!!
As the kids get older their wants and needs will change. New horizons open up for them each day. Some of the changes are hard to accept others are easy to accept. But one thing your children will always know is how much you and Ricky love them.
Even though I just had Mackenzie things still changed. She got to the point where she did not want to snuggle as much or hold my hand and she had no competition, she was just growing up. Now I am lucky if she talks to me! She still is the most important person in my life and it breaks my heart to feel like I am not hers, but I know she loves me and is just growing up and becoming more independent. Which if I step back and look at it is a good thing because it is making her a stronger person for the future when she will be out on her own. You are a wonderful mother and have given your children all the love they could want. It is just life. "Parents hold their children's hand for a little while...their hearts forever" ...
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